Managing from the middle: integrating midlife challenges of children, elder parents, and career.

As oncology nurses, we know the importance of a life lived fully. Anna Quindlen (2000) advised, "Think of life as a terminal illness, because, if you do, you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived" (p. 45). The Rhymes With Orange comic strip captured this sentiment. A midlife woman is sitting on her couch with her cat and eating ice cream. The caption says, "Realizing that 'stressed' spelled backwards was 'desserts,' Bette knew that the only way to turn her lousy day around was to eat the entire pint of mocha chip." As advocates for patients with cancer, we must possess the skills that we teach when we counsel them about living the quality of life they desire. If we are preoccupied, stressed, and fatigued from being in the middle, our ability to listen will be compromised. Our quality of life then becomes a hindrance to facilitating our patients' ability to deal with their quality of life. We can help each other as colleagues recognize when we are in need of quality of life counseling, but understand that we cannot change someone else. Each of us has the power to make the change we want to see in our lives. The conditions of being in the middle may not be changeable, but how we deal with them is.

Duke Scholars

Author Brenda Marion Nevidjon School of Nursing